Elmo is the Devil.

When I was growing up, I always thought it was strange how something can seem so charming from a parent's point of view, but mind numbingly horrifying to their kids. A good example of this is Santa Claus: To a mom or dad, he's a fat, jolly old man who gives away something for nothing. To a toddler, he's a stranger who smells like B.O. and who's probably a child molester. And from the way your parents keep shoving you at him, it seems like you're being abandoned. Merry Christmas little Timmy.

But I think the best instance of the true evil nature of a character being invisible to adults can be observed if we consider "Tickle-me-Elmo". The first time I saw the maniacal gleam in its beady little eyes, heard it cackle and watched it begin to convulse on the floor like something possessed, I knew. It was here to drag unsuspecting children like me down into Hell. And my mother was trying to persuade me that I wanted it for Christmas.

Eventually I managed to convince her that Elmo was not the toy for me. I think the words 'spawn of Satan' might have been thrown around. Okay, maybe not, but when my four-year-old self wailed "BADBADBADBAD!!!!!!!" at pitches that could crack glass, what I really meant to say was "Mom, that is the spawn of Satan and it is here to drag me into Hell. I thought you loved me."

Here is a little pictorial representation for those of you who may not yet be wise to his master plan:

What Parents See:

What Kids See:

I rest my case. Innocence can sense the proximity of the deepest, darkest, blackest EVIL known to mankind and reacts accordingly.