Re: Your Brains.

Why I'd rather have to deal with zombies than any other horror movie monster:

1) Re-animated corpses are no scarier than most other critters, and WAY less scary than possessed children (viz "The Ring" girl)

2) They're supposedly not so hard to kill (haven't tried it myself). Werewolves, you need expensive silver. Vampires, you have to get in close and hope they hold still long enough to stake them through the heart. Ghosts you need to find a priest or find out why the ghost is killing people and fix the problem. With zombies, you just blow up their heads from very VERY far away.

3) Zombies are stupid. Ghosts are not stupid. Vampires are not stupid. Possessed children are SO not stupid. Werewolf intelligence is debatable, but they have super noses and ears which still lands them above zombies no matter how you look at it. Some zombies have neither noses nor ears.

4) Society would become less focused on looks. If you're not a zombie, you win. Plus zombies like people for their brains, not their appearances. Vampires and werewolves are way more shallow.

5) You can trick them into thinking cauliflowers are brains(see 3).

6) Number 5 would be hilarious to watch from the safety of your anti-zombie shelter.

7) This song about zombies is really catchy.


Disagree? Comment below. It's pretty futile, since zombies have clearly won. But please feel free anyway! :)

I Hear Spring is Nice in Canada.

Once a year, my family has a picnic. We don't just choose a random day each year though, willy-nilly. We're not that whimsical. Instead, we have it every year on the first day of spring. This is probably why we call it the "First Day of Spring Picnic", though if you don't believe me I can double check that. ;)

I'm not exactly sure how it started, but we always get really yummy food. Some years we eat outside, but usually it's too cold. Then we spread a blanket out on the family room floor and eat by the wood stove. It's really great!

This year we've been pretty lucky. While still chilly, the days are warmer than they have been in a long time, and if you look hard you can see green things starting to grow again.

No salamanders yet though. I'll leave you to chew on that.

Kiss Me, I'm Irish!

Probably. Mostly Scottish and New Scottish. But there's likely some Irish in there. And seriously, who looks at a ginger on St Patrick's Day and thinks Scottish?

P.S: They're after me Lucky Charms! In case you were wondering why this post is so short. That's why. I should probably scoot now. Ta.

Where O Where has my Little House Gone?

Here's the deal with last weekend.

My parents are investing a lot of time into flipping Gram's house (the one who passed away a little less than a year ago). The people who rented it from her were a little. . .rough. As in tear out the carpets, patch the floor with a staple gun, stick tacks in and throw knives at the walls kind of rough.

It's hard to go back and see their house like this. It was never the height of fashion, don't get me wrong. But it was comfortable, and they were proud of it.

So we're fixing it up for two reasons. First and more practically, it'll make a hell of a lot more money even if we just make it less of a hazard to live in. Secondly, there's the emotional payout knowing we're getting it back to the way my grandparents would remember it or even better.

Mum and Dad have done all the work so far by themselves. But now it's painting time, and that's where I come in. Dad HATES to paint. I sometimes wonder if he hasn't been training me since birth so he would have to do less of it. ;)

Over the 7 or 8 hours we were there, I painted an entire room by myself. Twice. And it only took me so long due to the weird little crevices around the dormer windows which require painstaking cutting. As thanks my parents fed me. They know I will pretty much always work for food.

It's starting to look a lot better. I'll try to get some before and after pictures so you can fully comprehend the magnitude of the undertaking!

Happy Birthday To We.

Growing up, my younger brother and I were the only kids in our family under the age of 20 (with one exception), so we spent a lot of time together, especially at family gatherings. Add to that the fact that we basically have the same face, we both have red hair and he's taller but I look older and you get the whole "Hey look, ginger twins!" thing a lot.
Not to mention there's only one day between our birthdays. So we've always celebrated them together anyway.

Hence "Happy Birthday to We". I thought it was cute. Now I'm of drinking age and he's of driving age. What a team, haha! ;)

P.S: This post is really late by the way. It's been sitting in my drafts folder since the end of February. So if you could just pretend that's when I posted it, that would be great...Thanks. Sorry for any confusion! :)

Smile, You're Beautiful. It's Society That's Fucked Up.

Happy International Women's Day to all my sisters out there. May you always have the strength to be your own person, to do the right thing. May you always value yourself. You are precious. You have a place in this world, a right to succeed and be cherished. You are loved and supported.

Let no one take that knowledge away from you.

In the words of my eternally wise and feministicly minded aunt Annette, "Rock on sisters"!

♥.

Elmo is the Devil.

When I was growing up, I always thought it was strange how something can seem so charming from a parent's point of view, but mind numbingly horrifying to their kids. A good example of this is Santa Claus: To a mom or dad, he's a fat, jolly old man who gives away something for nothing. To a toddler, he's a stranger who smells like B.O. and who's probably a child molester. And from the way your parents keep shoving you at him, it seems like you're being abandoned. Merry Christmas little Timmy.

But I think the best instance of the true evil nature of a character being invisible to adults can be observed if we consider "Tickle-me-Elmo". The first time I saw the maniacal gleam in its beady little eyes, heard it cackle and watched it begin to convulse on the floor like something possessed, I knew. It was here to drag unsuspecting children like me down into Hell. And my mother was trying to persuade me that I wanted it for Christmas.

Eventually I managed to convince her that Elmo was not the toy for me. I think the words 'spawn of Satan' might have been thrown around. Okay, maybe not, but when my four-year-old self wailed "BADBADBADBAD!!!!!!!" at pitches that could crack glass, what I really meant to say was "Mom, that is the spawn of Satan and it is here to drag me into Hell. I thought you loved me."

Here is a little pictorial representation for those of you who may not yet be wise to his master plan:

What Parents See:

What Kids See:

I rest my case. Innocence can sense the proximity of the deepest, darkest, blackest EVIL known to mankind and reacts accordingly.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Snape.

Twinkle twinkle little Snape,

How I wonder why you gape,

At the teenage girl who asks

Sweetly for your autograph.

Is it you don't understand

That one so young is such a fan?

You say you do not have a pen.

I shall fix that, my Snape-y friend.

I hope I have not made you mad

By handing you my play program.

I see that Harry's on the cover

But know my dear I like you better. 

Thank you, thank you Alan Rickman!

Though you're scary, like a hit man.

Unlike Snape in normal garb

But still so Snape-like in my heart.

You rock.

The End.

I got Alan Rickman's autograph in NY. He is kind of like Snape personality-wise, although he looks very different without the distinctive wig/costume/makeup combo. I was so happy! :)

A little poem explanation: I had to run around asking strangers to borrow a pen since he wasn't carrying one (Tisk tisk, such unpreparedness!) and he signed my program from the musical we were both watching which starred Daniel Radcliffe. I.E. Harry Potter for those of you who've been living in a hole in the ground for the last eight years or so without television or internet. Congratulations on getting out by the way, as I assume you have since you are reading this. It must have been a boring eight years. You should write a book on your liberation from hole-dom and your return to modern society. Be sure to mention that I explained who that Radcliffe kid was.

Oh, and if you're wondering just how much I love Snape, click here. Otherwise you'll just have to trust me on this one!